‘Twas days before Christmas, when all through the formerly organized house,
every child was stirring, hopefully without louse — yes, tea tree oil works.
SUVs were swerving in the Target parking lot without care,
in hopes the discounted Nintendo Switch still would be there.
Shoppers were frantic, in need of anti-anxiety meds,
while visions of Happy Hour cocktails danced in their heads.
And Mama in her Lululemon with her rose gold yoga mat,
got stuck in line at JuiceLand, so she scrolled Insta and sat.
Mama took a moment to check her holiday card list,
fearing there was a friend she might’ve missed.
She perused her iPhone contacts in a total state of zen,
Holly, Megan and Meghan, four Jessica’s and 14 friends named Jenn.
Amber, Becky and Becki, Holly, Laura, Lori and Laurie, Kristy and Kristi,
Sara and Sarah, Alli and Ali, three Tara’s, Brandy and Misty.
When stopped in traffic on 620 and cursing a red light,
Mama looked in the mirror and discovered a fright.
Her polish was not shiny, her eyebrows unplucked,
she needed a manicure ASAP or else she’d be…uhm, er…unhappy.
With a new Tropix shellac manicure and beautifying done,
Mama still made it to her RIDE spin class for an hour of fun.
Whilst her Apple Watch was tracking steps galore,
she re-checked her lengthy shopping list just to be sure.
“I’ve been to Dillard’s, Gatsby’s, Fab’rik, Estilo,
Adorn, H&M, Justice and The Home Depot
I’ve hit James Avery, Learning Express and Twin Liquors twice,
I picked up a Big Green Egg at BBQ Outfitters — ain’t that nice!
And then, in a twinkling, mama’s stress level felt fine,
Christmas shopping was done, it’s time for boxed wine!
She jetted to H-E-B for a few final eats,
Pirate’s Booty puffs for the kids and for the dog, beef jerky treats.
“I’m so over Elf on the Shelf,” she mused as she crawled into bed,
with visions of the 2017 Lake Travis championship dancing in her hubby’s head.
She tiredly exclaimed with her best holiday cheer,
“There’s no @#ing way we’re doing this again next year! I’m serious. This is ridiculous.”
From Lake Travis Lifestyle to you — the LT peeps we’ve befriended,
we send you wishes of health, happiness, and joy (even though high school football season has ended).
May your Yeti be monogrammed and your Pure Barre classes make you shake,
Because life is good out here by the lake.