When you’re depicted as botox-injected wine drinkers …

Welcome to Lakeway. Here is the Austin area described with photos of characters from Saturday Night Live skits.

When you go from lawsuit to lawsuit …

Christopher Milam looks forward to exposing the lies leveled against him. The plaintiff claims Milam is being sneaky and moving assets around to make it look like he’s broke. Milam was part of a group that had planned to re-develop the Backyard on Bee Cave Parkway but got wrapped up in lawsuits. The Backyard project is moving ahead with new developers. Milam is moving ahead with more lawsuits.

When you shop ’til you drop …

It’s the back-to-school season, which is always a great excuse to go shopping. On Wednesday, LTL’s Cathy Hale shared an update on all of the local boutiques in the Lake Travis area, including the new Kendra Scott Pop-Up Shop that just opened.

When school starts …

So does school traffic. Enjoy your last few weeks of driving as summer vacation from traffic is drawing to a close. Here’s a list of start dates for Austin area schools.

When more people move to Austin …

Get a job. The Austin area’s unemployment rate — coming in at 2.2% for May — is very close to breaking the record low set in 1999.

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When you like see-through …

Leander ISD is joining Austin, Lake Travis, Hays, and Pflugerville ISD’s and implementing a new “clear bag policy” at its varsity football games. The University of Texas also enforces the clear bag policy at all its sporting events. You can use a clear one-gallon resealable plastic freezer bag or a clear bag no bigger than 12 inches by 6 inches.

When you ain’t that good …

You file that away. Texas QB Sam Ehlinger shrugged off verbal jabs from Terry Bradshaw and Baker Mayfield about the Red River Showdown. “He couldn’t beat Lake Travis, so I don’t really care about his opinion on winning,” said Mayfield, an alumnus of Lake Travis High School. Ehlinger said he modified his Twitter settings so that he reads mentions only from people he follows. Take that Mayfield.

When you need a place to dump …

There’s not an affordable dumpsite in western Travis County, so some people take their trash to the Cardinal Hills neighborhood. Property owners in the community have placed cameras on their tracts to catch the perpetrators.

When you settle, but there’s more …

Will the Lakeway Regional Medical Center (now Baylor Scott & White Medical Center – Lakeway) ever dig itself out of the hole? The U.S. Depart­ment of Justice settled fraud claims against some of the initial investors for $1.1 million, but millions in additional claims remain unresolved.

When you swoon about neon colors …

It must be a Lake Travis sunset.

When you like Spam on your salad …

In the midst of the development buzzing around Vail Divide (Hwy 71), there’s good news too – pizza! On Wednesday, LTL’s Cathy Hale shared an update on businesses coming to Bee Cave including a new pi “ZZA” and salad joint.

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When you like a brain freeze …

Today is 7-Eleven Day, which means free Slurpees for all. On Wednesday, LTL’s Cathy Hale shared a list of 10 spots in Lake Travis where you can grab sweet treats that will freeze your face.

When you’re cheap …

You support Route B — a gated evacuation route for Steiner Ranch residents that would only allow access during an emergency. The road would cost $980,000 and be done by the summer of 2021. And the county already has money for Route B. The other option, Route F — a permanent, public road that wouldn’t be done until 2025 and cost $7.2 million that the county doesn’t have. Travis County Commissioners voted unanimously to move forward with Route B.

When you can’t turn left …

You take the illegal cut-through. And think about dropping $163,400 on a proposed mobility study to improve Lakeway’s inner connectivity. The Lakeway Town Center Freeway — rolling past Thai Spice — is one of the more popular cut-throughs that allows you access to H-E-B from Lohmans Crossing without sitting through multiple light cycles to sit on 620.

When you sell hot chocolate …

7-year-old Benton Stevens has raised over $22,000 to support Trump’s planned border wall. The hot chocolate stand started outside the Steiner Ranch Randalls in February and turned into an online store, selling “Liberty Lemonade Mix,” “Freedom Hot Chocolate,” and MAGA hats signed by Benton. Non-Trump supporters are not fans.

When it’s 51 days until 6 home games …

UT fans are counting down until the first game of the season on August 31. With only six home games scheduled, you’d better have your tickets…like a year ago. Oh, wait, they’re already gone.

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When you have a lot of questions …

When are the fireworks in Austin? What’s the weather going to be like? How are the lakes? What if I want to shoot off firecrackers anyway? Go here to get all the answers to your 4th of July questions.

When you want to keep your shoes on …

That’s a good idea. Be careful where you place your hands and feet upon entering or exiting Lake Travis when you’re near underwater rocks or structures. Lake Travis is filled with razor-sharp zebra mussels. The Travis County Parks Department is issuing a zebra mussel warning for holiday lake-goers.

When you’re out of date …

You could end up underwater. A study conducted by the National Weather Service indicated that in the immediate future, Central Texas is likely to experience more powerful storm events that will increase flooding by 30 percent. Now the city of Austin’s current flood maps are out of date, and they are speeding up the timeline to mitigate increased flood risk in the area.

When you fill the Yeti …

These Austin beers are made to pair with patriotic good times.

When you want to move here …

Two of the most expensive lakes to live on in America are Lake Travis (#4) and Lake Austin (#3) out of 16. So if you don’t have ten million dollars, then you might have to settle for living in one of the seven hottest neighborhoods to call home in Austin.

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When you make a promise, but not in writing …

No takebacks. It started back in 2007 when a promise was made at a Lakeway City Council meeting in regards to an easement between a parcel of land owned by Legend Communities and a Spicewood neighborhood. The Dawlett promise included an additional 25-foot setback from the 60-foot easement. But the question of who owns the rights to the easement between the neighborhood and the new development still isn’t settled. Legend Communities wants to take back their promise and presented two affidavits from individuals stating the promise of the Hornsby easement is no longer in effect.

When you want free meat …

This couple went to the H-E-B in Bee Cave and tried to walk out with a whole bunch of brisket and oxtail … without paying for it. Is that a brisket under your hoodie?

When you’re above average …

Rain, rain, cooler temps and more rain. Did you know the Highland Lakes inflows (total) in May was 185% above average? How long can we keep this up?

When you use water created by your air conditioner …

Austin Water is working on incorporating what water officials call innovative and cost-effective water reuse systems into buildings across the city, both residential and commercial. The Austonian uses a 12,800-gallon air conditioning condensate collection system on the 9th floor of the tower for irrigation purposes on the 10th floor.

When you only have two lanes …

TxDOT unveiled plans for 620 at an open house in Bee Cave that would add a third lane in each direction with a median instead of a center turn lane, plus a path for cyclists and pedestrians. You can watch the video here.

When a blanket of blue surrounds you …

*Sigh* It’s dreamy.

When every flush makes you nervous …

On Wednesday, LTL’s Cathy Hale shared Everything You Want to Know (and Unknow) about Septic Systems in the Lake Travis Area. Did you know there’s a pilot program to help Lakeway residents ease their sewer system woes?

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